When the World Feels Too Big and I Feel Too Small

Some days, the world just feels like too much.
Too much war.
Too much grief.
Too much injustice.
Too many systems that harm instead of heal.
And sometimes, too much noise in my own head.

I watch the news or sit with the pain of someone I love—or maybe I just scroll a little too long—and suddenly I feel it. That ache. That helpless, sinking feeling. Like I’m standing on the edge of something vast and chaotic, and I’m just… small. Like anything I could do wouldn’t matter. Like my voice is too quiet. Like my efforts are too fragile. Like I’m just one soul trying to stay upright in a storm too big to stop.

Have you felt it too?

There’s a deep helplessness that can settle in when we face the brokenness of this world with open eyes. When we truly see how much suffering exists. When we acknowledge how little control we actually have.

And yet, somehow, this smallness isn’t the whole story.

The Scriptures are full of people who felt small and overwhelmed. People who stood trembling before giants, or walls, or sea waves, or kings. People like Moses, who told God he wasn’t enough. Like Mary, who said yes to an unthinkable calling. Like the boy with a few loaves and fish, offering what seemed so meager in the face of so much need.

But over and over again, we see something remarkable: God never mocked their smallness. He never asked them to be more than they were. He simply asked them to show up with what they had.

Because small doesn’t mean insignificant.

Jesus said the Kingdom belongs to the poor in spirit. That faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. That the last will be first. That the meek will inherit the earth. In God’s economy, smallness is not a problem—it’s a posture. A place where we can be honest, vulnerable, and open to grace.

When I feel helpless, I try to remember: I am not the Savior. I was never meant to carry the whole weight of the world. But I am held by the One who does. And He is not overwhelmed. Not surprised. Not out of options. He is near to the brokenhearted. He bends down to lift the weary. He sees even the sparrow.

Psalm 46 reminds us, “Be still and know that I am God.” That word still can mean “cease striving.” Let go. Unclench. Exhale. Trust.

So when I feel small, I try to do one small thing. Send one message. Offer one prayer. Make one meal. Sit with one person. That’s how love moves—small and steady, like yeast in dough or seeds in soil.

Maybe it’s okay to be small. Maybe that’s where God does His best work.

A Pre-Trip Prayer

For Ukraine, For the Journey, For the Work Ahead

As I’m preparing to return in two weeks:

As I prepare to go,
May peace settle into the places where adrenaline and planning have taken the lead.
May my mind be clear, my body strong, and my heart soft enough to feel—
and steady enough to keep going.

May I remember that I am not going alone.
Not only are Clay and Rebekah beside me—
but so is every person who has ever whispered my name in prayer.
So is the Spirit of God, who goes before me and behind me,
who hems me in with mercy.

May the classrooms be sacred space.
Even if the lights flicker, or the tech fails, or the translations get tangled—
may grace fill in every gap.
May students feel the safety of my presence before I ever say a word.

May I have courage to teach what is hard,
gentleness to hold what is tender,
and wisdom to know the difference.
And when I’m tired,
may I remember that rest is holy, too.

May the Holy Spirit guide my words,
my pacing, my posture, and my pauses.
May the heaviness of trauma never outweigh the light of hope.
And may I be reminded again and again:
This work matters.
I am not alone.
I was made for this.

When the World Feels Too Heavy: Wrestling with Pain, Systems, and the God Who Sees

There are days when the weight of it all presses in too close.

Wars rage—some far away, some just beneath the skin of our own communities. I’ve walked the streets of Ukraine during a time of devastation, sat with students whose eyes carry both fierce resilience and unimaginable grief. I’ve seen the cost of war not just in rubble, but in hearts—young and old—trying to make sense of what has been lost, what has been shattered, and whether healing is possible.

I return home, and the pain doesn’t stay behind.

I sit with clients whose trauma echoes in every part of their being. Abuse survivors, people shaped by addiction, those who’ve endured betrayal, abandonment, and complex generational wounds. And though I am a therapist, I am not immune. I carry my own scars. I’ve known personal trauma, lived through seasons that left my soul scraped raw, wrestled with the echoes of pain that show up uninvited.

And sometimes, it’s not just the individual stories that haunt me—it’s the systems that allow harm to flourish.

I’ve worked in contexts where abuse was covered up instead of confronted. I’ve seen churches, cults, and institutions more committed to protecting their image than protecting the vulnerable. I’ve felt the sting of systemic racism, witnessed the corrosive effects of sexism, and watched how the language of God has been used to justify control rather than cultivate compassion. These aren’t isolated incidents. They’re part of a pattern—deeply embedded, tragically normalized, and too often silenced.

There are days I want to shout, Where is justice? Where is mercy? Where is God in all of this?

And I think… maybe that’s the most honest prayer we can offer sometimes.

Because if we read Scripture closely, we find a God who doesn’t shy away from these questions. The Psalms are full of them. How long, O Lord? Why have You forsaken me? Why do the wicked prosper?

We meet prophets who cry out against corrupt leaders and unjust systems. We follow Jesus, who flipped over tables in the temple—not because He was angry at people’s emotions, but because injustice and exploitation were taking place in God’s name. Jesus, who touched the untouchable, lifted up the marginalized, and told the truth even when it cost Him everything. Jesus, who suffered not just to save our souls, but to enter into the fullness of human suffering. Who bore wounds Himself.

This is not a God who avoids pain.

This is a God who joins us in it.

Still, it doesn’t make it easy. The pain is real. The rage is real. The questions are real.

But so is the invitation.

To stay tender.

To speak truth.

To work for change without losing heart.

To believe that healing is possible—even here. Even now.

There’s a strange kind of holiness in the wrestling. Jacob walked away with a limp, but also a blessing. Maybe we will too. Maybe our questions, our anger, our heartbreak—maybe these are not signs we’ve lost faith, but signs we are contending for a faith that’s worthy of the God we follow.

A faith that sees. That listens. That protects. That restores.

I don’t have all the answers. But I believe in a God who does not look away. And when I’m tempted to despair, I look to the faces of those who keep going—the clients who show up, the students who still hope, the survivors who speak their truth.

Their courage reminds me that love is still here. And so is God.

Even in the heartbreak. Especially there.

The Joy of Reading: A Love Letter to the Pages That Shape Us

Somewhere along the way—between worn-out library cards and dog-eared paperbacks—I fell in love with reading. Not just with the stories themselves, but with the quiet companionship of a book resting in my lap, the scent of paper and ink, and the way time bends when I’m lost in a good story.

Books have been my safe place, my teacher, my passport, and my mirror. They’ve held me in moments when the world felt loud and confusing, offering the calm certainty of a beginning, middle, and end. They’ve invited me to weep over things I didn’t know I needed to grieve. They’ve stretched my empathy, grown my imagination, and whispered truths I wasn’t quite ready to say aloud.

I’ve been changed by characters who became real to me—who stayed long after the last chapter closed. I’ve underlined sentences that felt like they were written just for me, and returned to paragraphs like prayers. Reading has made me braver, softer, more curious. It’s reminded me that even when I feel alone, someone, somewhere, has felt this too—and they wrote it down.

There’s something sacred about holding the voice of another person’s mind in your hands. And there’s joy—deep joy—in following a thread of story or wisdom that leads you to yourself.

So here’s to the love of reading—to the books we carry with us, the ones we recommend to friends, the ones that haunt us gently, the ones that heal. May we always find space for stories, and may they always find space in us.

Some of My Favorite Reads (for different moods):

📖 When I need to feel deeply seen:
The Choice by Dr. Edith Eger
You Learn by Living by Eleanor Roosevelt

🌿 When I need to slow down and breathe:
The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating by Elisabeth Tova Bailey
Wintering by Katherine May

💔 When I need to grieve and remember I’m not alone:
Everything Happens for a Reason (and Other Lies I’ve Loved) by Kate Bowler
A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

🌞 When I want to feel inspired or uplifted:
Atomic Habits by James Clear
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

🕊️ When I want to reflect on faith and mystery:
The Pursuit of God by AW Tozer
Mere Christianity by CS Lewis

A Few of My Reading Rituals:

• I keep a book in my bag, always. You never know when a few quiet moments will appear.
• I write in my books—questions, prayers, “yes!” in the margins. I want to be in conversation with what I read.
• I reread favorites, especially when life feels fragile. Old words can feel new when you need them most.

Reading isn’t just a hobby. For me, it’s a form of connection—soul to soul, page to heart. If you have a favorite book that’s changed you, I’d love to hear about it. Let’s keep the love of reading alive, together.

Why Did Peter Deny Jesus?

I’ve been sitting with Peter’s story lately. The night he denied Jesus. The fear in his voice. The weight of his grief. And if I’m honest, I see myself in him more than I’d like to admit.

Peter believed Jesus was the Messiah—he’d left everything to follow Him. But Peter also expected Jesus to conquer, to overthrow Rome, to rise in power. And when Jesus didn’t fight back… when He surrendered… Peter panicked.

I know that feeling.

There have been moments in my life when God didn’t show up the way I’d hoped. When the story I thought we were writing together suddenly turned. And I didn’t know what to do with the ache of that. The confusion. The loss of what I thought it would look like to be faithful.

Peter’s denial wasn’t about a lack of love—it was about disorientation. A trauma response. A moment when fear and unmet expectations collided. And I’ve been there too.

I’ve had moments where I’ve pulled back. Moments where I didn’t speak up. Times when I’ve questioned whether I really heard Him right. When I let fear speak louder than faith.

But here’s what undoes me: Jesus didn’t shame Peter. He didn’t throw his failure in his face. He met him in it. With gentleness. With restoration.

“Do you love Me?” Jesus asked.
Not to guilt him. But to give him back his voice. His place. His calling.

That’s the Jesus I know.
The one who restores us by name.
Who meets us not just in our strength, but in our failure—and says, Come back. Let’s keep going.

So if you’re in a moment like Peter—afraid, undone, unsure what comes next—I just want to say: your story’s not over. He’s not done with you. And the table is still set for your return.

Grace is still the loudest voice.

It Is Finished: Living in the Light of the Work Already Done

When Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, ‘It is finished.’
And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit.”

— John 19:30

Three words.
One declaration.
A moment that split history in two.

“It is finished.”

Not I am finished.
Not This is over.
But It is finished.
A triumphant cry, not a whisper of defeat.

Jesus spoke these words from the cross—not in surrender to death, but in victory over sin.
He wasn’t giving up; He was completing what He came to do.

A Word That Still Speaks

These thoughts began to stir in me during Sunday’s sermon by Pastor Thomas. His message invited us to consider what Jesus truly meant when He declared, “It is finished.” And ever since, those words have been echoing in my heart—calling me to live differently, to live from what’s already been accomplished.

The work of salvation is finished.
The debt is paid.
The way is made.
The curtain is torn.

Our part is not to finish what’s already done—our part is to trust it, live in it, and walk it out.

Ours Is Simply to Walk It Out

If it is finished—if the ultimate work of redemption is already complete—what now?

We walk.
We walk in obedience.
We walk in surrender.
We walk in grace.
We do the next right thing.

Not to earn salvation, but to live from it.
Not to prove ourselves, but to reflect the One who proved His love for us on the cross.

Ephesians 2:8–10 reminds us: we are saved by grace—not by works—but for good works, which God prepared in advance for us. The work doesn’t save us, but it’s still ours to do in response to what has already been accomplished.

Obedience Isn’t Earning—It’s Alignment

When we obey, we’re not trying to earn God’s love. We’re aligning our hearts with His.

Sometimes that obedience looks like something bold.
Sometimes it looks quiet, even ordinary.
But always, it looks like trust.

It’s choosing to believe that “finished” really means finished.

Do the Next Right Thing

You don’t need a full plan. You don’t need all the answers.
You just need to take one step of faithful obedience.
Ask God:

What’s the next right thing?

And then—do that.

Rest in His finished work.
Live like you’re already loved.
Move forward with grace.

Because It Is Finished…

You can stop striving.
You can stop hustling for what’s already yours.
You can stop believing it’s all up to you.

And you can start living with open hands and a steady heart, doing the next right thing in the strength of the One who finished it all.

What It Means to Give Light

There’s a quote from Viktor Frankl that has been sitting with me lately:
“What is to give light must endure burning.”

And maybe it’s because the world feels especially heavy right now—the news, the cruelty, the ways people harm one another—that this line hits so deeply. Because the truth is, being someone who notices, who feels, who cares… it costs something.

To give light is not a gentle calling. It often means allowing ourselves to be present to suffering, to stay open-hearted in a world that keeps offering reasons to shut down. It means being willing to carry grief, anger, helplessness—all without letting them harden us. That’s the burn Frankl speaks of. The ache of choosing to remain human in inhumane times.

But maybe that burning isn’t just the pain of the world pressing in. Maybe it’s also the fire of our own aliveness. The warmth of conscience. The heat of love refusing to look away.

When we feel that burn—when the weight of it all becomes too much—it’s not proof that we’re weak. It’s proof that we’re still lit from within. That some part of us is still determined to be a presence of light, even when shadows seem to stretch endlessly.

So if you’re tired, if your compassion feels like it’s rubbing you raw, know this: you’re not alone. You’re doing sacred work. And your light—flickering, imperfect, brave—is needed. Not because it fixes everything, but because it reminds someone else that hope is still possible. That softness is still alive. That light is still real.

And that matters.

Bold love disarms evil through generosity.

When Love Looks Like Strength — and Feels Like Kindness

We live in a world where loud often wins.
Where whoever shouts the longest or posts the most outrage gets the final word.
Where we confuse sarcasm with strength, and power with harshness.

But lately, I’ve been wondering…
What if true strength doesn’t look like control, but like compassion?

What if the fiercest kind of love is the kind that doesn’t shout to be heard—but speaks life anyway?
What if the most courageous thing we can do in a culture of criticism… is to choose kindness?

Bold love disarms evil through generosity.
Tender love surprises hardness with kindness.

That phrase has stayed with me.

As a counselor—and just as a human trying to love well—I’ve seen how easy it is to react instead of respond. To mirror someone’s bitterness instead of bringing in warmth. To defend instead of delight. To protect yourself instead of pursuing someone else’s good.

But bold, Christlike love doesn’t behave that way.

It doesn’t need to overpower or prove itself.
It is secure enough to be generous—even when misunderstood.
It is holy enough to be kind—even to those who aren’t.

Because real love—gospel love—has both weight and gentleness.
It is both lion and lamb.
Strength and stillness.
Power and peace.

This kind of love doesn’t ignore harm.
But it doesn’t repay it, either.

It confronts evil—not by mimicking it, but by offering a better way.
It doesn’t stoop to the level of the insult.
It raises the conversation entirely.

It’s the kind of love that causes those who expect retaliation to pause in surprise.

And sometimes, that pause… is where redemption begins.

It’s not weak to love gently.
It’s not naive to respond with blessing.
It’s not passive to refuse to participate in the cycle of harm.

It’s brave.

So today, may we love boldly.
May we forgive when it’s hard.
May we speak life into conversations that have gone dry with cynicism.
May we surprise someone with kindness they didn’t expect—and didn’t earn.

Because that’s what Jesus did for us.

And we’re never more like Him than when we love like that.

Beauty and Ashes: A Journey Through Ukraine

A reflection from the front lines of grief, resilience, and hope

After a week of travel, teaching, and countless sacred conversations, I’m sitting in Nashville reflecting on all I’ve seen and felt. My journey to Ukraine this time was unlike any other—a collision of beauty and brokenness, resilience and sorrow, silence and song.

It began on a crisp Friday morning in Nolensville, Tennessee. My senior dog, Maci, seemed to know I was leaving. Her eyes followed every movement as I packed, full of the kind of knowing that only comes with years of companionship. The airport goodbye was tender—quiet, weighty. And from that moment on, I was caught in the current of something much larger than myself.

A turbulent flight to D.C. almost caused me to miss my connection, but grace intervened and I made it to Krakow. Slavik and his young son greeted me, and we drove the three hours to the Ukrainian border, winding through quiet villages and rolling fields. A stop at McDonald’s for cheeseburgers and coffee felt oddly grounding—one last moment of Western normalcy before stepping across the threshold into war-torn Ukraine.

We crossed the border on foot.

Each step on the cobblestones carried weight—leaving peace behind and walking into grief. The change in atmosphere was immediate, not just politically, but spiritually. In Lviv, I returned to the same hotel I stayed in last time. Familiarity helped, even as the city felt different. The golden domes still caught the light, but the air was heavier. The grief more palpable.

Each morning in Lviv began the same: a beautiful, generous breakfast followed by a moment of collective stillness at 9 a.m.—a city-wide pause to remember the fallen. Forks rested. Conversations ceased. For one minute, all of Ukraine stilled to honor those lost in the Great War.

It became a ritual that shaped the rhythm of my day. A sacred reminder that even amid the ordinary—coffee, eggs, chatter—grief walks with us.

At the seminary, I met 24 students training to become counselors in a country still at war. These were not theoretical learners—they were survivors. One student had a prosthetic leg. Another was a combat medic. A young woman had fled Kherson alone. Another had watched her hometown be destroyed.

They brought their full selves to the classroom—grief and hope, pain and persistence. And together, we created space for deep learning: neurobiology of trauma, treatment planning, post-traumatic growth, and narrative healing.

The classroom became holy ground.

Tears came freely. One student broke down mid-case presentation. Another asked, “How do I keep going?” after months of serving on the front lines. And yet, laughter showed up too—in role-plays, over coffee, and in the quiet joy of shared understanding. Hope insisted on making space.

Outside the classroom, beauty met me again and again.

Late-night walks on cobblestone streets where violinists played in the open air. Dinners at Jewish-Ukrainian fusion restaurants. Candles flickering during quiet conversations. One woman said, “There is more to save in Ukraine than has been destroyed.” I saw that truth lived out in every corner.

My translator had been sent to the front three times. He carried trauma in his body but translated with such care—turning pain into something redemptive. A young assistant in the department became a steady source of joy, always ready with help and encouragement.

Students offered small but deeply meaningful gifts—bananas, coffee, earrings, handwritten notes. One told me, “You are Ukrainian now.” I felt the weight of that blessing.

As the week ended, I was given a rushnyk—a traditional embroidered cloth used in Ukrainian weddings. Couples step onto it as they take their vows. Receiving one felt like a vow had been made between myself and this land, these people, this sacred work.

The journey back across the border was long—five hours in cold rain, every bag searched, every body tired. But still, kindness lingered. Strangers held umbrellas for one another. No words needed—just shared humanity.

In Krakow, I allowed myself one quiet day. I wandered through medieval streets. I watched a parade from a glass-walled café. I listened to the trumpet call from St. Mary’s Basilica—its abrupt ending a centuries-old tradition honoring a fallen hero.

It felt fitting.

Now, back in Nashville, I carry a strange mixture:

  • The deep trauma entrusted to me by students who are still living in the storm.
  • The ache of uncertain news from the front.
  • The warmth of dinner with Macon.
  • The soft glow of patio lights I strung with tired hands when I couldn’t fix anything else.
  • The anticipation of tomorrow’s table, where stories and laughter will meet again.

This work is heavy.
But it is holy.
And it is not finished.

How You Can Pray

  • For my students at UBTS, who are learning to help others while carrying their own unhealed wounds.
  • For those on the front lines and the families waiting for their return.
  • For the children growing up in war—may they one day know safety, peace, and joy.
  • For the church in Ukraine—that leaders would be renewed with strength and hope.
  • For the restoration of Ukraine.
  • And for my own heart—that I may hold these stories with reverence and release them with trust.

To those who prayed, who followed, who lifted me up from afar—thank you.
Your love was felt in every step, in every word.
Your prayers made space for this sacred work.

With love and deep gratitude,
Sandy

Creating Light in the Midst of Weight

A reflection on heaviness, hope, and the quiet power of small things

The day began with the kind of sky that takes your breath for just a moment—endlessly blue, impossibly crisp. A perfect 70-degree Friday in Middle Tennessee, the kind that carries spring on its back and lets you believe, even briefly, that winter might finally be loosening its grip.

The breeze was gentle, the sunshine warm and golden. The air had shifted, and with it came a subtle lifting—like the world itself was exhaling. And for a while, I wanted to believe the world was matching the weather.

But it didn’t.

Fridays are usually lighter in my schedule, fewer clients, a slower rhythm. But not today.
Six sessions. Six sacred stories.
Each one heavy.

There are days when I can hold pain with open hands—attuned, present, but not overtaken.
Today wasn’t one of those days.

Some stories sat deep in my bones after the calls ended. I tried to release them, to shake off the residue, but the ache stayed with me, humming just beneath the surface.

I needed motion. I needed life.
So I ran errands—mundane things, just moving through the world like everyone else. I cracked the windows as I drove, let the breeze wrap around my arms, played music that made me feel a little more alive. It wasn’t a cure, but it helped. Sometimes joy isn’t loud—it’s a cracked window and sunlight on your skin. It’s the sacredness of simplicity.

But then came the news.

Political negotiations between the U.S. and Zelensky had gone poorly. And with a trip to Ukraine just a week away, the news landed like a stone in my chest.
Frustration.
Grief.
The slow kind of despair that doesn’t lead to action—just scrolling. Absorbing. Feeling helpless.

I sat with it for a while.
And then, I did what I could.

I went outside and strung lights across the back patio.
Threaded them carefully. Adjusted. Tweaked.
Stood back. Breathed. Reached again.

It was a simple thing.
But when the sun dipped low and those soft lights began to glow, it felt like something sacred.
A small act of intention in a world that often feels too chaotic to hold.
A reminder that even when everything feels dark and uncertain, we can still create beauty. We can still choose light.

Dinner with Macon helped too.
The kind of evening that lets you step out of your own head for a while. Good food. Easy conversation. Laughter. Presence. Nothing profound—just peace. And after a day like this one, that was profound enough.

Later, I began preparing for tomorrow’s dinner party—setting things in order, making space for connection and warmth. The thought of a full table, of laughter and shared stories, feels like something steady to hold onto.

Tonight, I find myself carrying a strange mix of things:

  • The deep trauma my clients entrusted to me.
  • The heaviness of international conflict and a personal stake in what happens next.
  • The contentment of simple rituals—errands, porch lights, a good meal.
  • The anticipation of a shared table tomorrow.

And all of it matters.

The hard things don’t cancel out the good, and the good doesn’t erase the hard. They sit together.
And somehow, both are part of what it means to be human.

Outside my window, the lights on the patio glow gently.
They’re not loud. They’re not spectacular.
But they are steady.

And tonight, that is enough.

If the world feels heavy today, maybe don’t try to fix it all.
Maybe string some lights.
Step outside.
Let someone else make you laugh.
Let the sun warm your skin.
Prepare for a gathering.
Make room for beauty.

Even the smallest lights matter in the dark.