They say blood is thicker than water, but what do we do when the very blood that runs through our veins carries the memory of betrayal?
For many survivors of abuse, the pain didn’t come from a stranger. It came from someone within the family—someone who should have been safe. And sometimes, the deepest cut isn’t only the abuse itself. It’s what came afterward: the silence, the denial, the insistence to “forgive and forget,” to “keep the peace,” to “move on” for the sake of the family.
But what if that peace costs a survivor their voice? Their safety? Their healing?
As Christians, we often talk about forgiveness—and rightly so. Jesus calls us to forgive, just as we have been forgiven (Ephesians 4:32). But forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. And it’s certainly not the same as reconciling with someone who remains unsafe or unrepentant.
Forgiveness is an internal act between our soul and God—a releasing of bitterness, a handing over of justice into divine hands. But too often, survivors are told that forgiveness must look like restored relationship. That to “really let it go,” they must pretend the abuse never happened. This is not only unbiblical—it’s deeply harmful.
Scripture never asks us to ignore evil. It doesn’t command us to minimize harm to keep family bonds intact. In fact, Jesus said that following Him might bring division even among families (Luke 12:51-53)—not because He desires conflict, but because truth often threatens systems that are built on silence.
To the survivor who feels torn between your healing and your family’s comfort, hear this: you are not required to shrink your pain to protect someone else’s denial.
You can forgive without forgetting.
You can release bitterness without allowing abuse to continue.
You can honor God without re-entering unsafe relationships.
And if your family doesn’t understand—if they accuse you of being unforgiving, dramatic, or divisive—remember that Jesus sees the whole story. He knows what happened in the dark. He knows the tears you’ve cried alone. And He calls you beloved still.
Healing from family-based trauma is often a long, layered process. It can feel lonely at times, especially in faith communities that haven’t yet learned how to hold both justice and mercy, both grace and truth. But you are not alone. There are others walking this path with you. And more importantly, God walks with you—not demanding silence, but inviting honesty… not requiring performance, but offering presence.
So may you take the time you need.
May you listen to the wisdom of your body and the discernment of the Spirit.
May you let go of bitterness—but not boundaries.
And may you find, in Christ, the One who never demands your silence and never minimizes your pain.
You are not too much. You are not unforgiving. You are healing. And heaven is cheering you on.